I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
