she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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