I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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