Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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