I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
