If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
