We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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