Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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