I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
