How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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