I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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