i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
