he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize