C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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