Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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