I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
