He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
