Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
