mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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