hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
