You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
