All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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