Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
