Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
