Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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