If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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