what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
this will be a night to untag.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
