I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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