**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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