I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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