I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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