your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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