A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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