Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
