She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
