Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
