His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
