when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
