when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
