i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
