I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
