I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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