You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
