So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize