honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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