Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
