living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
