I heard we made out
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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