I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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