yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
