Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
