So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize