maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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