he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to make out with him forever
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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