he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
