please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
