i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
