this boner is exhausting
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize