Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
