I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
