so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
