Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
