You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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