My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
