I wish I only lived at night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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