peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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